What is validating communication
Validation is a critical communication tool and expression of love and acceptance in relationships. Invalidation sends the message that a person’s subjective emotional experience is inaccurate, insignificant, and/or unacceptable.So critical in fact, that parenting experts report that it’s one of the most important things a parent can do to foster healthy psychological development in their children (Read: The Power of Validation by Karyn D. Invalidation is one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse and can make the recipient feel like they’re going crazy!The message is that it’s OK to think or feel the way he or she does.Validation occurs when we help our spouse feel unconditionally accepted.On the other hand, it’s extremely powerful when you allow your spouse to experience his or her true feelings and validate his or her emotions. One spouse’s validating attitude confirms that the other spouse has a right to feel the way he or she does.Remember, you can validate your spouse’s point of view while still possessing a different viewpoint.Like Oath, our partners may also show you ads that they think match your interests.
However, I have another — to focus on Erin’s emotions. But when you question, disagree, debate or argue with how he or she feels, you completely invalidate your spouse. Once you understand your husband’s or wife’s perspective and emotions, you can follow the reflective listening with a simple statement like: • “It makes sense to me that you are feeling that way.” • “I would feel the same way.” • “I can understand why you feel that way.” • “What you are saying matters to me.” • “Your feelings are really important.” When one spouse does not object to or argue with the other’s feelings, but accepts him or her with validation, the other spouse feels truly loved.
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Gaslighting is a great demonstration of invalidation. This is the gaslighting part of what I was unintentionally doing to my wife.
Here’s a list gleaned from eqi.org, a site about emotional intelligence, of things people say — some intentional, some unintentional — to invalidate a spouse: • “You’re so sensitive.” • “That’s ridiculous. Validation is modeled in marriage when we safely allow our spouse to share his or her thoughts and feelings.