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– Woody Allen 33.) His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

– Woody Allen 34.) It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune.

Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with. – Woody Allen 19.) I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. So you should be thankful that you’re miserable, because that’s very lucky, to be miserable. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot. I think it’s the Renaissance or the Magna Carta or something. – Woody Allen 27.) “My relationship with death remains the same – I’m strongly against it, – Woody Allen 28.) All I can do is wait for it,” – Woody Allen 29.) The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter.

I don’t want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment. – Woody Allen 22.) There have been times when I’ve thought of suicide but with my luck it’d probably be a temporary solution. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil.

– Woody Allen 49.) I don’t know enough to be incompetent.

A lot of things have happened in my private life recently that I thought we could review tonight.

– Woody Allen 31.) As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree’ — probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

– Woody Allen32.) Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

– Woody Allen 6.) Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

– Woody Allen 11.) I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

– Woody Allen 12.) Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.

– Woody Allen 3.) Eighty percent of success is showing up.

– Woody Allen 4.) Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.

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